One of the easiest behavior tools in our whole behavior toolbox is this: offering choices.
Our kids want to have some control over things in their world. They want some autonomy and independence. So why don’t we give it to them? Give them some choices to give them that control so they don’t have to find other ways to get your attention or to get the things they want.
Every little step of your daily routines can easily be embedded with choices.
Giving your kids instructions? Why not give them choices?
You can easily give dozens and dozens of choices all day every day without much effort on your part.
I want you to start talking like Sam I Am. Do you want to in a box? Do you want to with a fox? Do you want to in a house? Do you want to with a mouse?
Let’s look at some regular examples us nagging moms say.
Put your shoes on.
Do you want to put your shoes on in your room or by the back door?
Time to _____. (any and all transitions!)
Do you want to ____ now or in 2 minutes?
Brush your teeth.
Do you want to use the white toothpaste or the green toothpaste?
Do you want to use the sand timer or the phone timer while you brush?
Do your homework.
Do you want to do homework at the kitchen table or at the desk in your room?
Do you want to jump on the trampoline first or start your homework first?
Do you want to in a boat? Do you want to with a goat?
Now what happens when your child throws out a 3rd option that you didn’t offer? If it’s something you are okay with, tell them why you are okay with it. If it’s not something you are okay with, tell them why and repeat the choices available to them.
Do you want to in the rain? Do you want to on a train?
Sam I Am may have made some nasty looking green eggs but he was on the right track with all these options. Giving choices is a super simple way to give your child some authority, within the boundaries of what is acceptable in your home.
Give controlled choices- within your boundaries. Don’t give a ton of options. That’s just too overwhelming and loses meaning. In a boat, on a goat, in a house, with a mouse, in the car, not too far….aaaah! Limit the options available.
Give choices that your child really can have control over.
Clean your room or you lose screen time. Do you want to do it or do you want to lose screen time?
There’s no choice there. It’s all just clean up your room. How could we do that better?
Clean your room to earn screen time.
Do you want to start with the toys or the clothes?
Do you want to do it alone or ask me to help you?
Do you want to do it now or in 2 minutes?
Give actual choices. Don’t confuse the question with threatening a punishment. Let them have control over some of the variables at play.
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