What is the invisible workload? It’s all the extra work that women put on their shoulders to make sure the household runs smoothly, and other people are safe, nurtured, and comfortable.
It is the stuff moms do without even realizing it- remembering where someone put their left shoe, who needs a well child checkup, what each child’s favorite color is, what the neighbor kid prefers for an after-school snack, and the names of everyone at your child’s school, your own workplace, and your spouse’s workplace. It’s the stuff that clogs up your brain- but it is useful! Often, we take on all these tasks and mental decisions without even realizing it. It just adds to our mental workload- but no one sees al that do they? Hence the term invisible workload.
Do any of these sound familiar?
“Mom! Where is my soccer jersey?”
“Honey- do we have any more dishwasher detergent/ ranch dressing/ toilet paper/ printer paper/ milk/ whatever?”
“Moooooom! What is my teacher’s favorite color?”
“Who is brining snack to the basketball game today?”
“Mom- where is my water bottle? My jacket? My teddy bear? My homework?”
Right now, as you read these- did you think of the answers automatically? Do you just know all these types of things for your family? Man, your brain must be full!
Take just a moment right now and think about the amount of stuff you are balancing in your brain for your family right now today. Mine includes things like PTA fundraiser at school, meal planning, housework, more housework, sports schedules this weekend, well child checks, piano practice, husband’s travel schedule, meal prep, laundry. And that’s just this morning. Today. Right now. What stuff does your current invisible workload include?
Now that we have a name for this and are aware of the fact that moms do more work than anyone else in the whole entire world (kidding- sort of), what are we supposed to do about it? Just acknowledge it and be depressed about it? When I first heard the term invisible workload, my reaction was to just be angry about it. I KNOW I do all these things- it sucks sometimes!
So whatever emotional reaction you need to have about the invisible workload you carry- have it. Do you feel angry about it? Tired? Sad? Whatever- feel your feelings. Then let’s move on to not wallow in those feelings and make things worse.
So what can we DO about it? Here are a few practical ideas for you today:
- Do a brain dump. Write down all those things floating around in your brain today. Your brain doesn’t have to hold them all- the paper can. Then go through and prioritize. What can be delegated to someone else? Delegate that sh*t! What can wait til another day? Put it in your calendar for another. Get the long list out of your head and organize it.
- Recognize when you are starting to feel stressed from your invisible workload. What is your body telling you? Are you clenching your teeth or your fists? Are your shoulders trying to touch your years? These are cues that you need to do respond to. You’re getting all worked up about things your family can’t see. So figure out what you need to do in that moment to calm yourself and your nervous system down. Do you like to do deep breathing exercises or step outside for fresh air? Do you need to slowly drink some cold water, or do you prefer exercise? Listen to the cues of your body and respond to them.
3. Tell your people about these things. The word invisible is there for a reason. Your spouse and your kids and your support network can’t see all this! Tell them what you need help balancing or keeping track of. Tell them what you need help doing. Work together to make systems that help your household run without you having to remember all the things.
4. Shout the words “Invisible workload” whenever you’re stressed. But it must sound like “Serenity NOW” from those old Seinfeld episodes. “Invisible WORKLOAD!” (Okay the other ideas were practical at least. But try this one for fun and see if it doesn’t make you laugh!)
The term invisible workload was created to describe something that a lot of moms are already dealing with- stressors in our environment that our people don’t really see us dealing with each day. Recognizing this as work can help us be more proactive in managing our workload and finding balance so we don’t work ourselves to the point of burnout.
Inside the Banish Mommy Burnout Workshop, learn some more simple tools to help us balance the ever-pressing needs of motherhood better. Using the science of behavior, we start small and build momentum as we go. Small behavior changes that last can help us defeat, prevent, and banish mommy burnout.
Sign up today for this FREE workshop here: https://www.parentingwithaba.org/parental-burnout-masterclass/
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